you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
