Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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