Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
