How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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