i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
