hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
