I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
