when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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