I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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