there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
