it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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