i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
