I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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