Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
