I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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