No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
