im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
