Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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