the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
