Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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