I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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