Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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