I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you never un-have a 4some
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
