the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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