Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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