Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
