hotel room ftw
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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