college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
