You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
