dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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