the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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