i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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