We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
