I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
