how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
