Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
