So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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