I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
