another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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