It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize