wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
