i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
