if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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