Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
