he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
