so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hell yes lets make some ravioli
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I checked into jail on foursquare
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
