I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
