First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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