Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
