I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
