Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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