so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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