Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize