I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
