Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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