he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
