he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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