...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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