how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
