i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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