the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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