That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
