He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
