I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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